My dad decided that on Easter he would have a discussion with me about the choices I have been making in my life. I first thought awesome, I am going to get some lecture about how what I have chose to do is wrong and that I am not the same little girl I used to be. Instead, we sat down and he told me I was proud of me. That he was thankful I am making the decisions I wanted to make and that I was doing everything I could to follow my heart. Then he got this sad look on his face, and he looked down and he said there was only one thing he was unable to be happy about.
He said, I did everything I could to follow my heart; however, I was missing the big giant flashing letters that were present in my daily life. He said until I could admit to myself that I was missing something I would never understand a lot.
I was confused, lost and kind of mad. Where was this conversation even going? He ended it there actually. Walked away and into the kitchen to help my grandma with something. My mind was reeling, what the hell did he mean by that? What could I have been missing that he saw?
I think I just figured it out. I was just joking around with him and I had accidently held onto his hand, he didn't pull away, didn't flinch just kind of looked down. Then I moved. And the only thing going through my mind was shit, shit, shit. My dad was in fact very right. Except I now know what I was missing. I always say I cannot admit it, these feelings and I don't want to. Because admitting feelings is when things get tough. I cannot pretend to be an expert. But there is one thing I do know.
When two people are meant to be together, no matter how hard they try to deny it. It will happen; maybe not today or tomorrow but it will happen.
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