I am Proud

Today is the day, are you enjoying  it? Or are you allowing it to consume you, tear you apart and make a stew out of you? It seems that the trouble these days has nothing to do with our present society but the fact that the citizens are forgetting who they are. Have you done anything lately that you are proud of? Something that makes you stand up straight, scream at the sky saying I did it, I succeeded and today I am proud of myself. Is that not what we all want to be able to do?


 We walk this earth for a short amount of time but we take for granted the time we spend alone, we cannot face the facts that maybe we are meant for more than the mundane life we are leading. When do you realize that? When do you take back control, and decide what your life is going to be like. It is not something that can be taken lightly, we must fight for our strength, we must learn from our past and we must remember to keep moving forward. The moment you stop, is the moment you lose your momentum towards a life that you want. That is the moment that you find that you are not who you thought you were. You are not what everyone expects. At some point, you will disappoint people, and you will disappoint yourself-it is important to learn that these disappointments are what will propel you forward. They will rejuvenate you and create a new spark. So, you didn’t win the race on Saturday. Do you give up?


 No, you practice harder, run harder, and never look back and before you know it you are in the winner’s circle holding up that glorious trophy. Because that is all we want, a reward for our accomplishments. Someone to validate our self-esteem and say, congratulations.  That is why it is important to get this message across. We can validate our own victories. They do not have to be races, or games. They can be simple victories like getting up in the morning. It’s something that is easily overlooked but very important for any person to accomplish. Would you be where you are today if you did not first wake up?


Until next time


:)  

35,000?!?!?! Where do I even begin???

I have been out of the loop for a good month I think :/ It was good for me though, I needed to evaluate some things and think about how my life is going right now. It seems weird to be a 22 year old college graduate, however, if seems even stranger that I have allowed myself to stand idle. I am not usually the kind of person who stands backs and forgets to live but that is exactly what I have been doing. In the past month my roommate Mike and I got into a huge fight. Honestly, I am not entirely sure what it was about but it took us 2 weeks to actually apologize. In that time I went and stayed with my dad.

Those 2 weeks reminded me as to why I live on my own. I love my father to death but being home is kind of a life sucker for me. I don't go out and do anything. I have no motivation and all I did was work and sit around. Well... I also became slightly addicted to the show True Blood which is totally amazing. And this will not be the only time I ever mention it. But that is a whole other story for another day entirely :) Back to this past month.

I think I may have ruined a started relationship. If that is what you call it.. It was 3 years of tension all boiled down to one evening when we finally allowed ourselves to explore the idea of a relationship. Except, I did what I always do and I cut him off. I have barely talked to him in the past month and I won't even go see him.  I am a basketcase :) But I am dealing. I'll figure something out, I usually do.

Well... I also decided to get another job :D Oh boy.. Now I am going to overwork myself but its all for a good cause. I got the total for my student loans.... $35,000... Private college sucks :(

Now to begin the next chapter. I'm home, working, and seemingly at ease with things. I hope it stays this way. And I hope 35,000 dollars disappears really fast!!!!!!!!

Until the next time..
Enjoy life :)

The Dream

Today I woke up early, which is unusual because as of lately I have been sleeping in until I decide my bed is no longer the place I want to be. It is not very often however. Over the past couple of months I have lost interest in the person I am, I have no motivation, no goals. I am tired of being that girl. Today, I am starting over. I am going to set out and do everything I had planned to do once I graduated college. No more feeling sorry for myself or allowing myself to waste my days.

1. I am going to write every day, and not just say that I will. My life is going to be about doing, not standing idle.

2. I am going to take charge of my health and remember what it is like to eat right, exercise daily.

3. I am going to get in touch with old friends and begin making new friends.

4. I am going to do what I want. I will get my masters degree, I will find a better job and I will not back down.

5. I am going to remember that I am fearless.

By getting back in touch with my own reality, I hope to make myself the person I always wanted to be. Instead of living in my head, I am going to take charge once again and find my reason to wake up every morning and be.

"Don't let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead give to yourself that which empowers you." Les Brown

This is my motto. I live in a time when dreams seem to be scolded and lives told how to live. I am tired of living in a place that tells you that you do not have a chance to make your dreams come true. I am done with the negative, today I begin to live for one person and that person is ME. I think it is time to start being selfish and start living.

A Mirror is Harder to Hold

There are days when you just need to be by yourself. Today, I choose to put my headphones in and listen to music. I thought a lot about what I was listening to as well as I found myself hitting repeat on certain songs or the need to hear a couple others. Therefore, as of right now I have listened to the same 5 songs for about 6 hours straight.

1. Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad by Def Leppard

2. A Mirror is Harder to Hold by Jon Foreman

3. Animal by Neon Trees

4. New Low by Middle Class Rut

5. Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi

These five songs pretty much explain exactly how I am feeling at this moment. I find it quite interesting that what you listen to is a direct explanation of the mood you are in. I can explain each one of these songs and how they seem to fit into my life at the moment. Even now as I sit here reflecting on them its amazing to me. Animal explains my current relationship to a T, and I never even realized it. When Neon Trees sing "Hush, hush the world is quiet. Hush, hush we both can't fight it. It's us that made this mess. Why can't you understand?" I feel tingles on my arms and realize I understand the sentiment. I fight my feelings everyday, as does he. The problem is the fact that the realization of those feelings are crashing down around us and we can't keep up the charade anymore.

New Low may be about prison, except when I hear it I think of the four walls that surround me and are keeping me from my own happiness. The part that I relate to the most is, "So many directions I don't know which way to go I'm so busy doing nothing I got nothing to show." Right now, I have my whole life ahead of me, except I have nothing to show for what I want to do, what I am doing and what I have done.

A Mirror is harder to hold just causes me to reflect on my own life. Whenever I hear it, I realize that I can't judge the world because the truth is its harder to look at yourself. Then Bed of Roses, and have you ever needed someone so bad are just beautiful desperate love songs. When I hear them I hear the pain, and sorrow and need for someone to be there. To love someone. To give everything you have to them.

These songs at the moment represent who I am, and by reflecting on each lyric and why I feel the way I do; I realize that not only do have a lot of stuff to figure out, I need to give myself the time to come to terms with my own decisions.

The Outside Looking In

I know I cannot be the only one who feels this way. I just recently graduated from college. WOOHOO :) Yes, I am very excited that after four and a half torturous years I finally have my degree. However, they never prepare something you for once you leave college. That is the feeling of loneliness. 

I know I am not alone; I have spoken to a few people who have been experiencing this. It is a strange feeling. I have my entire life ahead of me, room to grow as a person, and plans that I do not want to change. Except lately, I feel as if I am the only person in the world, as if I no longer have any friends, any goals, and any real dreams. I want to get back to the girl I was before graduating. The one who was super involved and always perky. I had friends surrounding me at every step, and I felt loved. Now, I feel partially empty. As if, my expiration date is up. Is this what it feels like to get older? To lose friends? To realize that the people you once knew no longer fit in with you. 

I used to be able to stay up late, go out and drink and enjoy my youth; however, that has all changed. I have a career now. On the weekends instead of hitting up downtown, I am in bed by ten o'clock. And the bad part is I am still young. I should be out enjoying myself, celebrating. But I am tired from working and feel as if I have nothing in common with anyone anymore. 

That there is the real problem. I feel like I am no longer a part of a group. I am the outsider. And it is lonely on the outside. 

The Story of the Exes

So maybe this won't be advice, maybe it will be something we all can relate too. Everyone has them those men and woman who we consider to be our exes. We do everything we can to rid ourselves of them, except sometimes they are sneaky and you never rid yourself of them. I am pretty good at keeping my exes where they belong. They are my exes for a reason, and if I really thought they would have been good for me they would never have become an ex in the first place. Which leads me to my ramble of the day. My roommate has two exes too which he refuses to rid himself of.

1. The one from high school: This is the ex that leads to most peoples downfall. We fancy them to be our first love, our only true love and every guy and girl after we compare to this person. And this is what leads to our downfall and why this ex, will always be in our life. Especially if we let them be. My roommate does not seem to realize this, he brings these girls in and expects me to be cordial. As if. I know that girl, I was that girl and the only intention we have is to make your life hell since you left us in the first place. So congratulations, I hope the past does not keep you trapped for too long.

2. The latest ex: This is the ex, that we are still trying to work things out with. Make whatever went wrong right. So we still hang out with them, text them. Therein lies the problem, what went wrong will always be a problem. Issues have never magically disappeared. I am guilty of this, although lately I have become a little heartless and just leave my ex where he belongs. On the other hand however, my roommate continues to visit her for once a week. Calls her, texts her and dotes upon her. When will we ever learn? Some things do not change.

It is hard to let go of certain people, and I know that it is impossible to completely forget. However, there is a fine line, we cannot continue to let people who are no good for us stay in our lives and ruin any chance of finding a new more compatible partner.

Here's to the future :)

A Focus

I feel like a need a theme to this blog. A reason to write. And I think I found it, simply put everyone needs help with relationships. We all have issues, questions, and sometimes its nice to have someone to talk about everything. At work I am considered a guru, I give answers for questions and am very equipped with knowledge that I sometimes am not sure how I come by. However, advice is my thing. I am good at it, and I know what some people are curious about. Therefore, I am making this blog about all the ins and outs of relationships. Jealousy, exes, communication, sex, dates, rules, and anything else that may come to mine. I may be terrible at keeping a boyfriend, but I am damn good at understanding men and women. :)