The Dream

Today I woke up early, which is unusual because as of lately I have been sleeping in until I decide my bed is no longer the place I want to be. It is not very often however. Over the past couple of months I have lost interest in the person I am, I have no motivation, no goals. I am tired of being that girl. Today, I am starting over. I am going to set out and do everything I had planned to do once I graduated college. No more feeling sorry for myself or allowing myself to waste my days.

1. I am going to write every day, and not just say that I will. My life is going to be about doing, not standing idle.

2. I am going to take charge of my health and remember what it is like to eat right, exercise daily.

3. I am going to get in touch with old friends and begin making new friends.

4. I am going to do what I want. I will get my masters degree, I will find a better job and I will not back down.

5. I am going to remember that I am fearless.

By getting back in touch with my own reality, I hope to make myself the person I always wanted to be. Instead of living in my head, I am going to take charge once again and find my reason to wake up every morning and be.

"Don't let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead give to yourself that which empowers you." Les Brown

This is my motto. I live in a time when dreams seem to be scolded and lives told how to live. I am tired of living in a place that tells you that you do not have a chance to make your dreams come true. I am done with the negative, today I begin to live for one person and that person is ME. I think it is time to start being selfish and start living.

The Outside Looking In

I know I cannot be the only one who feels this way. I just recently graduated from college. WOOHOO :) Yes, I am very excited that after four and a half torturous years I finally have my degree. However, they never prepare something you for once you leave college. That is the feeling of loneliness. 

I know I am not alone; I have spoken to a few people who have been experiencing this. It is a strange feeling. I have my entire life ahead of me, room to grow as a person, and plans that I do not want to change. Except lately, I feel as if I am the only person in the world, as if I no longer have any friends, any goals, and any real dreams. I want to get back to the girl I was before graduating. The one who was super involved and always perky. I had friends surrounding me at every step, and I felt loved. Now, I feel partially empty. As if, my expiration date is up. Is this what it feels like to get older? To lose friends? To realize that the people you once knew no longer fit in with you. 

I used to be able to stay up late, go out and drink and enjoy my youth; however, that has all changed. I have a career now. On the weekends instead of hitting up downtown, I am in bed by ten o'clock. And the bad part is I am still young. I should be out enjoying myself, celebrating. But I am tired from working and feel as if I have nothing in common with anyone anymore. 

That there is the real problem. I feel like I am no longer a part of a group. I am the outsider. And it is lonely on the outside. 

The Story of the Exes

So maybe this won't be advice, maybe it will be something we all can relate too. Everyone has them those men and woman who we consider to be our exes. We do everything we can to rid ourselves of them, except sometimes they are sneaky and you never rid yourself of them. I am pretty good at keeping my exes where they belong. They are my exes for a reason, and if I really thought they would have been good for me they would never have become an ex in the first place. Which leads me to my ramble of the day. My roommate has two exes too which he refuses to rid himself of.

1. The one from high school: This is the ex that leads to most peoples downfall. We fancy them to be our first love, our only true love and every guy and girl after we compare to this person. And this is what leads to our downfall and why this ex, will always be in our life. Especially if we let them be. My roommate does not seem to realize this, he brings these girls in and expects me to be cordial. As if. I know that girl, I was that girl and the only intention we have is to make your life hell since you left us in the first place. So congratulations, I hope the past does not keep you trapped for too long.

2. The latest ex: This is the ex, that we are still trying to work things out with. Make whatever went wrong right. So we still hang out with them, text them. Therein lies the problem, what went wrong will always be a problem. Issues have never magically disappeared. I am guilty of this, although lately I have become a little heartless and just leave my ex where he belongs. On the other hand however, my roommate continues to visit her for once a week. Calls her, texts her and dotes upon her. When will we ever learn? Some things do not change.

It is hard to let go of certain people, and I know that it is impossible to completely forget. However, there is a fine line, we cannot continue to let people who are no good for us stay in our lives and ruin any chance of finding a new more compatible partner.

Here's to the future :)