I am Proud

Today is the day, are you enjoying  it? Or are you allowing it to consume you, tear you apart and make a stew out of you? It seems that the trouble these days has nothing to do with our present society but the fact that the citizens are forgetting who they are. Have you done anything lately that you are proud of? Something that makes you stand up straight, scream at the sky saying I did it, I succeeded and today I am proud of myself. Is that not what we all want to be able to do?


 We walk this earth for a short amount of time but we take for granted the time we spend alone, we cannot face the facts that maybe we are meant for more than the mundane life we are leading. When do you realize that? When do you take back control, and decide what your life is going to be like. It is not something that can be taken lightly, we must fight for our strength, we must learn from our past and we must remember to keep moving forward. The moment you stop, is the moment you lose your momentum towards a life that you want. That is the moment that you find that you are not who you thought you were. You are not what everyone expects. At some point, you will disappoint people, and you will disappoint yourself-it is important to learn that these disappointments are what will propel you forward. They will rejuvenate you and create a new spark. So, you didn’t win the race on Saturday. Do you give up?


 No, you practice harder, run harder, and never look back and before you know it you are in the winner’s circle holding up that glorious trophy. Because that is all we want, a reward for our accomplishments. Someone to validate our self-esteem and say, congratulations.  That is why it is important to get this message across. We can validate our own victories. They do not have to be races, or games. They can be simple victories like getting up in the morning. It’s something that is easily overlooked but very important for any person to accomplish. Would you be where you are today if you did not first wake up?


Until next time


:)  

35,000?!?!?! Where do I even begin???

I have been out of the loop for a good month I think :/ It was good for me though, I needed to evaluate some things and think about how my life is going right now. It seems weird to be a 22 year old college graduate, however, if seems even stranger that I have allowed myself to stand idle. I am not usually the kind of person who stands backs and forgets to live but that is exactly what I have been doing. In the past month my roommate Mike and I got into a huge fight. Honestly, I am not entirely sure what it was about but it took us 2 weeks to actually apologize. In that time I went and stayed with my dad.

Those 2 weeks reminded me as to why I live on my own. I love my father to death but being home is kind of a life sucker for me. I don't go out and do anything. I have no motivation and all I did was work and sit around. Well... I also became slightly addicted to the show True Blood which is totally amazing. And this will not be the only time I ever mention it. But that is a whole other story for another day entirely :) Back to this past month.

I think I may have ruined a started relationship. If that is what you call it.. It was 3 years of tension all boiled down to one evening when we finally allowed ourselves to explore the idea of a relationship. Except, I did what I always do and I cut him off. I have barely talked to him in the past month and I won't even go see him.  I am a basketcase :) But I am dealing. I'll figure something out, I usually do.

Well... I also decided to get another job :D Oh boy.. Now I am going to overwork myself but its all for a good cause. I got the total for my student loans.... $35,000... Private college sucks :(

Now to begin the next chapter. I'm home, working, and seemingly at ease with things. I hope it stays this way. And I hope 35,000 dollars disappears really fast!!!!!!!!

Until the next time..
Enjoy life :)

Questions

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, creating a deep sense of foreboding to be honest. I keep coming back to the same question over and over. What am I supposed to do with my life? It is a fair question for everyone. Does anyone know the answer?? I am guessing not, we can only take leaps of faith and hope with all of our heart that it is what we were meant to do. I was reading a paper today about cutting ones life short, that way people may do everything that want and love. However, I do not agree wholeheartedly with that point of view. Yes, life should be lived fully doing all that you want to do with it. Except, I feel even if people have shortened lives we may still do the job that lines our pocket instead of the job that we truly love.

Even as I contemplate that question I am thinking of myself. I would love to be able to sit inside a coffee shop all day developing my characters, writing my book or on my blog and enjoying some coffee. Regardless though, of what I want. I have bills that pile up, I have responsibilities and sadly enough I barely find the time to just sit around and do what I love. Yes, I wish I could quit my job and follow my life's dream but that seems extremely improbable. One day however, I will be able to enjoy a day in a coffee shop, writing without a worry in the world. But until then, I sit in my Dad's living room, procrastinating the homework that is due in a days time and thinking of days when worries will not bother me.

A Night Like Tonight

It is nights like these that I am inconceivably happier than any other time. I have a pot of coffee, a pack of cigarettes, music and a blank document waiting to be filled with words. For once, the stressors of life mean nothing to me and even though the homework is piling up as finals begin. I am completely happy with avoiding everything. It is peaceful tonight, and I cannot help but smile as I finish the last sentence of my newest poem. I have had a very encouraging week when it comes to writing. I have successfully put off a ten page research paper for a few poems and weight lifted off my shoulders. Oh my I love this feeling.

I guess it also helps when you find out that the best friend you won't admit you are in love with tells you he will be breaking up with his tramp of a girlfriend. Aw.. This smile is not going away anytime soon.

Tonight I am still listening to the wonderful Jessie J. And I shall say the same thing. YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS ALBUM :)